I guess I didn’t know it all.

This will come as no surprise, but as a teenager I thought I knew it all.  And in my thirties, I have learned I didn’t.  I didn’t know any of it.

Sometimes I can remember things from my childhood like they happened yesterday.  I can remember the taste of food, the smell, the weather and my exact feelings at the moment.

When my mom turned thirty, I woke up very early and decorated her car.  Signs like Oh, no 3-0 and cans on the tailpipe and everything.  I remember it was kind of cool outside. It was wet.  My mom was surprised when she came outside before work.

It made me think about what my moms life was like in her thirties compared to mine.  My mom had two kids – one of them a know it all teenager.  She had a drunk ex-husband, a sick mother, and always at least one job.  We didn’t have everything, but we had everything we needed.

The life that I think is so difficult, is in comparison so much easier.  Sometimes when I come home from work, I am tired.  I only have to deal with me and my dog and I am tired.   Sometimes I don’t eat dinner and sometimes I have wine for dinner. And when  I really feel like splurging, I drink good wine.  I don’t have to worry about school clothes or projects or groceries.  I worry about having the money to get my nails done.  I don’t worry about taking care of my sick mother or my whiny spoiled teenager.  I am not concerned with softball games or chorus concerts.  And even today, when my back is against the wall the first person I call is my mother.

For all my ups and downs over the years with my mom, she was amazing.  She was always present.  She always made it happen.  I was so difficult, and she never gave up on me.

I only regret it took me many years to tell her I didn’t know everything.


~ by Lis on May 10, 2017.

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